First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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