Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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