At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
