I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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