Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
