At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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