we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
