dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
