Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
