and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
