he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize