my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
