Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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