Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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