grandma shit on top of the toilet
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
