That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
