A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
