You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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