I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
