woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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