And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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