I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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