remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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