Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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