Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
