I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
