We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
