She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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