If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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