I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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