I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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