capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
