I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
