meet me or not, i'm out of control
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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