totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The struggles of a small town man whore
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
