There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
