Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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