Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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