Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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