Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
