She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
