dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
