This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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