and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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