My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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