I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so explain again why im purple
no
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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