the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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