im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
