I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
