I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
