Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
