True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
