It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize