dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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