we have pet lesbian snakes
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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