You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
