Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is Oprah even human
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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