sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
