all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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