Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize