If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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