cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I could make wine with my vomit
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
