i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
