i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
