We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
