cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
