Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
