Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
