just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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