threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
