How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
