New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
