I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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