literally had 100 drinks last night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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