im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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