4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize