listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
