hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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