Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
