just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
