I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
