If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
