Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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