I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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