He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
