i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
