Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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