Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
