Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
