just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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