we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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