yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
